The Self Described Anarchist Collective has obtained the following email exchange from sources who prefer not to be named.
Send a message to Nemacolin here.
Email archives: Infiltrated messages of the Latrinal Art Dudes, 8/10/09
[fragment]
Abbreviated analysis: Law enforcement officials should keep a close eye on the possibility of this burgeoning latrinal art terrorist Organization,especially in regards to possibilities of a widespread assault on Nemacolin concurrent with the G20 meetings. Were this group to be bolstered with the support of the anarchist community or other radical fringe operation, disruption of the meetings is a real possibility, and disruption of the morning breakfast buffet is guaranteed. The following information was gathered with the help of Google, and displays the growing discontent in this precariously placed field.
To:Me
From: Scary Secretary
Bill
Sour news. Nemacolin just canceled our spaces and our event [re: Pittsburgh Latrinal Art Convention, 9/24/09]. We need to come up with something real quick-like.
Morgan
To: Me
From:Creepy Stalker Boss
betterthangod@latrinalarts.com>
Morgan,
What the fuck? We are supposed to have a hundred guests. What gives? Did they give you a reason? What are we going to do with 500 paninis? Ethel demanded squid and horseradish paninis! She is going to be super pissed!
Bill
To:Me
From: Scary Secretary
Bill,
Apparently, the G20 is coming to Pittsburgh. Do you want me to get that place in Macchu Picchu? Are paninis appropriate in South America? Mark’s calling. I’ll email later.
Morgie
To: Me
From:Creepy Stalker Boss
Morgan,
Hold off on the Peruvian thing. I’m not the president of LAD anymore. I didn’t know La Libre Esthétique project was still going strong. Give me all the info you have on these Nemacolin fuckers. How’s the hubby?
Bill
To:Me
From: Scary Secretary
Bill,
Mark still wants you dead. But here’s what we have on Nemacolin: It’s owned by Maggie Hardy Magerko. She’s the president of 84 Lumber. She is the 133rd richest of the Forbes 400. She feels that Thanksgivings (an actual quote) provide strong relationships. She has an auditorium named after her at Penn State- Eberly. She hired Bill Cosby to entertain her father on his 78th birthday, and was Lynn Swann’s biggest campaign contributor. She also gives to Murtha and any other politician she can get her hands on.. What did they expel you for?
Morgie
PS. The G20 is the meeting of the world’s 20 richest countries. It has nothing to do with art.
To: Me
From:Creepy Stalker Boss
betterthangod@latrinalarts.com>
Morgan,
Being too hoity-toity about limericks in ballpoint pen. I don’t want to talk about it. There is an art to these things. Not an art expo at Nemacolin? Richest countries? Is this some sort of global domination thing? Sean Hannity says it’s proof of a New World Order. Bill Cosby? I didn’t know he could be bought. I’ve had fantasies of Mr. Cosby playing with Steppenwolf. Or was it The Association? Okay, so let’s still hold this event. We should hold it at Nemacolin, perhaps as a demonstration. I mean, who is going to protest the G20? Do people even know what this is? Does anyone care? I’m not sure I do, but they fucked us. Tell Mark, I needed the hair dryer. It’s not something worth killing over. I’ll buy him a new one.
Bill
To:Me
From: Scary Secretary
Bill,
The anarchists are planning something, as always. It’s supposed to be a big deal: National Guard and all sorts of monsters. The N. W. O. is taking this very seriously. I’m sure the Teabaggers would hop on this campaign. They are frisky. At least they don’t smell bad and you won’t get scabies from them? I’ll talk to Lucy. She’s a Mormon now, but she has to know someone in the anarchist circles still. She’s a Teabagger to boot, so we might actually have something? You want to hold it on Nemacolin grounds? One hundred people? Where would they stay? Mark says fuck off. It was his grandfather’s hair dryer.
Morgie
To: Me
From:Creepy Stalker Boss
betterthangod@latrinalarts.com>
Morgan,
They spend thousands of dollars on relics “for a good time.” They’ll stay wherever they want minus Nemacolin. You think the President of Fiji is part of the G20? Does he know it’s going on? He’s a member of LAD. And hey thanks Morgan, I’ll propose all you suggested to the council. I’ve mentioned some of it to a couple members and they are totally down. Hector Flaherty wants us to do a full exhibit of tile from Amoco stations across the world. I think it would be neat if one hundred fans of bathroom graffiti exchanged their prizes in front of the most elite. Let’s set up an opening campaign. We should get everyone in LAD to call and complain. Maybe send them faxes about how they will not be able to pay the bills this year because they make 50 percent of their wages off this event. I’ll let you know more after the meeting. And whatever on the hair dryer. It was useful with the goldfish.
Bill
To:Me
From: Scary Secretary
Bill,
We’re sitting here in the park having lemonade and playing charades. Any update on what the council wants to do?
Morgie
To: Me
From:Creepy Stalker Boss
betterthangod@latrinalarts.com>
Morgan,
The Council convened and we have come up with a plan of action, we are asking everyone to email the Nemacolic Organization the following email below. We hope that everyone will send it to them immediately.
“Dearest Nemacolin, its managers, employees and overall haters of art,
We have found ourselves in the position of being at your whims to support the most brutal forces of nature. Our ponderings suggest that we are in fact more stylish and friendly than G20 delegates. We find that our convention and its board unavailable to be an insult to thousands of years of expression. Did not the Peche Merle mean anything? We are the emissaries of the Es Safa, the prostitute at Ephesus and the contemporary riddles prattled on lavatory structures.
Your obsession with the world’s top leaders and their assistants is insulting the common person. They are a jibe at truth. In retribution, we are joining forces with the modern day invaders, the anarchists, and we will create our own Kalmyk Republic in your groove. The time for disappointment has passed. Your participation in the Inquistion against humanity in the form of the most pretentious circus is testament to your feelings about real human beings. Your hotel will be filled with vampires and we are the Hopkins and Stearns. This trangressence against humanity can not remain free of concern. Your birds of a feather feast on the cadavers of the beggars who are scapegoated for despots.
Signed,
Most High Society of Latrinal Art Dudes and Friends”